It's Been A Month
by MsLane
Summary: The aftermath of the season finale. Emma messed up. She messed up big time and she needs to make things right. She knows she's done wrong, and she needs Regina to understand that she's sorry. She misses her and things are awkward after being so good for a while and Emma needs things to go back to being good again. Swan Queen.


It's been a month.

An entire month. Four weeks. Seven hundred and thirty hours. 43,829 minutes.

She isn't obsessed. She's just lost as to how she's ever going to right what she's done wrong.

Emma slams her head against her bedroom door.

It's been a month since she's effectively taken away Regina's second chance at a happy ending. And it's killing her.

It confuses her beyond measure just how much she actually really misses the brunette. In the little ways and the big ways. Emma misses Regina. And that thought surprised her around the second week, but now she just accepts it as it is. A universal truth. No one will ever be able to convince her of anything else, because she knows it to be true. She misses Regina, and it isn't confusing, because when she sits down one night around week two, she thinks about just how close they've gotten.

How good it felt having her to work alongside her. How much the brunette's presence actually made her feel stronger, more sure of herself. She hadn't gotten any sleep that night. If anything she hadn't gotten any sleep for three nights after that.

"Emma are you coming out of your room anytime soon?"

The blonde rolls her eyes and stands up straight, not bothering with answering the question, and instead simply walks out of her room and grabs her car keys and walks out of the apartment.

"Emma? Where are you going?"

David doesn't get an answer, and Emma doesn't really notice his second question.

The blonde goes into the sheriff's station and gets the paperwork done as soon as she possibly can. That's something she's been doing recently too; getting everything done as soon as possible, if only to afford her some time to think about how to make things right with Regina.

The blonde knows she messed up.

"No Ms. Swan, you messed up big time." She whispers to herself as she shakes her head while re-reading her report on Mrs. Potts' runaway cat.

She stays there in the office all day, never once getting up, never once moving farther than an arm's length away from the phone. And yet to no avail, every phone call that comes through is not from the one person she wishes it was from.

Emma glances at the clock on the wall and sighs to herself as she goes to stand up and pack her things away. It's late. _Really_ late.

'A month and a day.'

She shakes her head as she turns off all the station lights and locks up before making her way to her car to start her journey to the Mills' residence.

She goes by to see Regina every night, and every night it's the same thing.

"Good bye Ms. Swan."

Without fail, Regina would open the door, look at her in the eyes, and before giving her a chance to speak, she tells her good bye before shutting the door in her face and making it a point to turn off the porch lights on her as well.

And yet every night to no avail, Emma finds herself on her front porch, hoping against all hope that Regina will let her try to fix what she's ruined.

"Or at the very least let me tell her I miss her." Emma sighs out as she shakes her head once more and finally reaches the front door.

Before she has a chance to knock, the door is swung open and flurry of limbs come flying at her, ending up with two bodies on the porch.

Emma is the first to react, quickly sitting up and helping the brunette up, "Are you alright?"

Regina simply stands with her mouth slightly agape, surprise evident in her eyes, "What are you-Go away _Sheriff_." She jerks her arm out of Emma's reach, about-faces and heads back through the door she has left ajar.

Emma is quick to hold onto her hand, "Regina…"

She meant for more words to come out. Hell she meant for the word that _did_ make it out to be surer. What ended up escaping her mouth was a single word in a form of a caress, merely a whisper, and not anything at all near a tone anyone would ever be able to pick up on and hear. But Regina did, she does. She halts in her track.

She's stiff as a board and Emma knows she's unwilling to turn back around to face her, so she makes due with what she has.

"Regina, I-I know you don't want my apologies. I know it, because it will do no good, but I mean it when I say I didn't know, nor did I think of what saving a life would do."

The brunette's eyes sting with betrayal and hurt but she says nothing, Emma swallows as she steps closer to the brunette, still holding onto her hand gently yet surely, her words coming out in ragged whispers and hitched breaths, "I would _never_ try and take away your happiness Regina. Never on purpose, and had I known you would be unhappy had I done so…I don't think I would have gone through with it."

Regina whips around so quickly Emma nearly loses her balance she is so surprised, "No dear, I don't think you would, because as a Charming it is in your very DNA to do the 'right thing', and the right thing would be to save a life, even if it meant ruining my _chance_ at happiness."

Regina wants to say more; however, she simply extricates her hand from Emma's and stiltedly makes her way back into the house.

Emma expects the door to be closed in her face and that's exactly what happens.

Except.

Except the porch lights stay on, and Emma _knows_ the door is unlocked, and if she really wants to continue this, Regina is giving her the chance. And there is absolutely no way she isn't going to pick up on all the non-verbal cues she's given her.

Emma takes a deep breath and knocks before gently cracking open the door. She walks in and shuts it behind her and then just stands there.

She doesn't know where to go from here. Her plans never took her that far. And with that thought she wants to smack herself in the head because wasn't that what got her here in the first place? Not thinking things through that far into the future?

Emma rolls her shoulders back and pivots on her heel and makes her way to the kitchen, where there is a light coming from the entrance and the sound of water.

"I didn't think you were going to come by."

Emma's steps falter. She wasn't expecting Regina to speak to her.

"I-I'm later than usual."

Regina nods curtly, and Emma tilts her head as she asks, "Is that where you were going? To see what kept me?"

The brunette stiffens and Emma wishes she could take the question back the moment it leaves her, however, the backlash she was expecting never comes.

Regina simply throws the dishtowel she was using to dry some glasses on the countertop before turning to face the blonde, "I thought you finally got the hint that I was not going to talk to you."

The blonde lets out a sigh and steps further into the kitchen, "You have a right to be disappointed."

Regina wants to scoff but the next words out of Emma's mouth stops her, "You have every right to feel like I have betrayed you and betrayed your trust in me."

Regina says nothing. She can't. Her words are failing her now, because when has a Charming ever willingly come to her and admitted that they were completely in the wrong?

Emma takes this to mean she may continue, and so she does, "I knew. I knew I shouldn't mess with history, but at the same time I let my savior complex come through then of all times…and I messed up. I knew the consequences and I couldn't stop myself. I just…I didn't know I could fuck up-sorry-mess up, so royally."

And just like that Emma realizes she's well within Regina's personal space, and it's familiar and it's _them_ and she's missed Regina.

"You knew not to change history."

Those are the first words out of Regina's mouth. And Emma blinks as she nods, having the decency to actually be ashamed, and says "I know. I…I cannot tell you just how much I'm sorry that I hurt you."

The brunette wants her to take it back, she wants to deny it adamantly, but she can't because Emma will know and what's the use now after everything?

She can't control the way her eyes tear up on their own, nor can she control the way her voice waivers, "You knew, yet you did so anyways. Did you not care?"

Emma shakes her head adamantly, "I _do_ care. I care Regina, I just, I don't know what came over me. I meant you no harm, I did not want to take away your happiness, and I _never_ meant to hurt you."

Regina closes her eyes and just lets the words roll around in her head and wash over her. She has a hard time believing that a _Charming _means her no ill will.

Emma slowly reaches a hand up as if to cup Regina's face, only to stop mere inches away and drops her arm, "I'm not my mother. I'm not a Charming. I didn't grow up with them, had I done so, I don't think you'd be able to tolerate me half as much as you do. If I had grown up with them, I wouldn't be the person I am today and I'm absolutely okay with who I am, I like that I'm a Swan first and foremost. I'm not like them."

Regina's eyes snap open as she takes in Emma's appearance before her. It's true she never really saw the blonde as one of them…at least up until a month ago. Her eyes harden slightly and Emma averts her gaze.

"I have given you every reason to wreck havoc once again Regina…"

The brunette hums deep in her throat, not trusting her voice at the moment.

"You're so far away from being the person you used to be. And that alone means everything."

Regina steps back and away from Emma's excruciatingly one of a kind scent, and every inch of her wills the sneer to form on her face, "So you're telling me that you were trying to test me, is that it? Wanting to test just how far I've come from being the Evil Queen? Tell me Ms. Swan, have I passed your test? Have I proven myself to be one of the "good guys"?"

Emma's eyes widen as she shakes her head and takes back the step Regina put between them as she walks closer still to the brunette, holding out her hand to, do what exactly the blonde isn't sure, but she's going on gut instinct and that hasn't ever stirred her wrong before, "That's not it at all! I would never do that to you and you know that. I _trust_ you! Regardless of whether or not you still trust me, I trust you, and I believe you and I _know_ you. The fact that you've come so far has nothing to do with you not going H.A.M, because I've known it for a _long_ while. It just…it's showing you how much you've grown from that person you were. I was not, nor will I ever try and test you, because I believe you."

Regina wishes she didn't feel with her whole soul. Wishes she could stop feeling so wholly. She wishes she didn't have to become so damn close with the Swan, because she can't bring herself to keep up pretenses due to the fact that it means nothing when the person you're trying to hide from knows you.

The tears spill over and Regina wants to say she's surprised when Emma reaches out to rub her arms, but that would be a lie. Neither of them outwardly shows that they crave and want to give and receive tenderness from someone they care about, but with each other it seems pointless to try and deny it. They're so much alike, and Regina had found herself noticing more and more with every passing day over the years. Regina lets the tears come, and she finds she's okay with showing Emma this side of her because she isn't going to look down upon her. She hasn't the right to do so. She isn't going to make her feel weak for letting this out.

Emma shuts her eyes as she continues to feel Regina's cries echo through her body. They're soundless, yet the ragged breath bursting against her neck resonates within her ears. She's never once been so affected by someone else's sorrow.

The blonde finally whispers into her ear as the brunette's tears stop falling, "It was never my intention to cause you heartache Regina."

Regina's breath stops halfway into her lungs and she expels it prematurely, "What?"

Emma looks at her face, looks into her eyes and with all her might she tries to communicate just how much she means what she's going to say.

"I broke your heart. As unintentional as it was, I did that, and that's something I have never wanted to do."

Regina shakes her head as soulful brown eyes once again get a little misty, "I…He was. We were each other's beginning of a second chance. I-I thought I could finally, _finally,_ try and have some happiness again."

The sound that escapes Emma's throat is a cross between a whimper and a mewl as she slides her hands down from holding Regina's shoulders to grasping onto her dainty hands, "There is not a large enough number of apologies for me to give you that would let you know just how much I'm sorry Regina. I was careless and self-indulgent to this hero-complex and…I'm wrong, I was so wrong in doing what I did."

Regina nods her head, not even about to deny it simply to make her feel better, "Yes. Yes you were."

Emma's eyes desperately search Regina's for a hint that maybe not all is lost when it comes to them. And yet. She realizes she doesn't really deserve it after making Regina feel like this all over again.

"I keep messing up when it comes to you." She finally whispers out, her blue-green eyes sorrowful.

Regina lets out a humorless laugh, "Haven't you heard dear? Everyone messes up when it comes to me. I'm the Evil Queen. Everyone is _meant_ to mess up."

Emma shakes her head, "You aren't. You haven't been her since you enacted your curse, even more so now than ever before Regina."

The brunette remains silent, not knowing what to say and it would usually irk her, but she finds it's okay with Emma. It's okay with this blonde whom she should hate more than anything…but she doesn't. She doesn't hate Emma. She can't and it kills her that she can't hate her because,

A whisper, "I've missed you."

Regina blinks her eyes in surprise, had she said that out loud? Only…

Emma sighs as she finally releases one of Regina's hands to rub her face in slight frustration before repeating herself, louder this time, eyes finding Regina's, "I miss you."

The brunette gulps as she nods, her eyes expressing feelings she doesn't consciously know she has and finds herself saying, "I'm quite familiar with the feeling."

Only, Emma doesn't realize that Regina means that she feels the same about her. Doesn't realize Regina is telling her she's missed her throughout this time as well. And it's evident in the way Emma's eyes fill with guilt and sorrow once again, tenfold, and her shoulders sag with what one would assume to be the weight of the world, "I'm sorry again Regina, for taking your chance at happiness away." She says this with such finality, and with that she releases Regina's hand and hastily makes her exit.

She shouldn't have stayed this long. She shouldn't have brought up the fact that she misses her. Of course Regina knows what the feeling is like. Hell, they both have felt this way before, having lost so much growing up. This feeling of missing something shouldn't be new to her, but it is. It is new in every sense of the word because she's never felt like she's ever missed someone as much as she misses Regina and it makes complete sense to her. She's never had what she shares with Regina with anyone else. She's different.

"I _trusted_ you."

Emma halts just as she's about to walk out the front door and turns back around to face Regina because she owes her that.

Emma nods her head, "I know."

Regina folds her arms around her stomach, as if to contain herself, "I really trusted you and…you did this."

Emma nods her head slowly, eyes round and woeful, "I did. I know. I'm the bad guy here Regina, not you. Never you in this."

Regina makes her way closer to the blonde until she's standing right before her, and she gestures with her hand to emphasize her point, "I trusted you, and you broke that trust and yet…" she pauses and drops her hand, her eyes mournful and full of feeling, "I can't help missing you as well. Even after knowing you did this to me; you've taken away something that was making me happy; and yet I find myself missing you and knowing that, that knowledge, it ailed me for the longest time, because I didn't want to accept that we've gotten so accustomed to each other. That we've gotten so close…So close that I actually miss you more than I thought it possible to miss you. A Charm-" she pauses as she swallows and tries again, "A Swan."

Emma wants to believe this is happening, wants to believe that Regina is actually telling her this. She finds it hard to believe though. The blonde steps closer to the brunette tentatively, "We've worked hard to get to where we were. _So_ hard."

The brunette hums as she nods her head, her arms once again wrapping around her body, "Yes…I've gotten to that some conclusion myself."

"I know it won't be easy, and I don't expect it to be so. But I will be better Regina, I swear it."

Regina gives her a heartbreaking smile, "When will I be able to be rid of the old Evil Queen title? So that I may at least be a contender for a happy ending."

Emma says nothing and she's sure Regina doesn't expect nor want her to reply to that. The brunette quietly moves that little bit closer to the blonde and says, in a move so unlike Regina it makes Emma realize just how much what she's done has hurt her, "It isn't so much that Robin has the Lady Marion to be whole again…but rather. I trusted you, and you broke that trust. I trusted you not to hurt me, and you did. He's gotten a real second chance with his true love…and what have I? Nothing. More heartache. The Evil Queen moniker forever latched onto me. I've done so much in my lifetime. _So_ much evil. And I thought I was finally tipping the scales to good, but it's apparent to me that no matter what I do now...I will always be the Evil Queen, undeserving of a happy ending."

The blonde swallows as she slowly reaches a hand out to the brunette, palm facing upwards, and Regina tentatively places her hand in her grasp, "Regina Mills, you are so good, _so_ good, that simple mere second chance happiness is not good enough for you. You deserve so much better than Robin Hood. I'm sorry, for the way it came about. I'm sorry that I caused you pain by doing what I have done. You deserve _so_ much better than him. I will never stop believing that."

Regina wants to reply, wants to say something but Emma bends at the waist and brushes her lips across the back of her hand so carefully, so gently, that Regina can't think of anything, nothing at all, "I believe we worked really hard to get where we are Regina. It isn't my place to make demands, but I hope I really hope you can give me a chance. I really do miss you."

Emma stands up straight again and gives her hand a quick squeeze before letting go and walking out of the house.

Had she stayed for but a beat longer, she would have noticed the way Regina just stares at her hand in wonderment. The tingles she feels that flow through her body from her hand almost makes her feel lightheaded.

'It's not possible. It can't be.'

Regina feels her heart beat in her chest a wild beautiful rhythm and she shuts her eyes to marvel at the feeling and suddenly her eyes fly open. It was merely a light brush of Emma's lips against the brunette's hand and it sent a myriad of magic through her.

Regina wants to believe, she truly does, but she needs the blonde to prove herself worthy. Prove that she means what she has been saying. Regina is done believing in fate and 'meant to be' and fairy dust. She doesn't want to feel unless she deems it worth her while. She wants to be able to choose who she ends up with. Who her happy ending is. And maybe…maybe she's already chosen her. Maybe she's always subconsciously known.

Regina takes a deep breath and locks the front door.

She is not about to jump head first on a whim simply because of a brush of lips against the back of her hand. She will not dwell on the fact that she has always subconsciously played with the notion of Emma Swan being her someone, nor will she think about how this incident has made it clear that it may be more than a subconscious desire. It may well be something she can actually have.

The brunette shakes her head and clears her thoughts. Emma Swan is someone she really, truly, likes. Even though she has hurt her now. The blonde is someone she cares for. And that in itself is magic.

She isn't ready to think of what anything else means. Nor does she think she will ever be. Because when anything does happen, she doesn't want it to be because everyone is pushing the concept down their throats. She doesn't want it to be about the magic first. And that's what makes Emma Swan different. She was never the Evil Queen to her. She was and will always be just Regina Mills.


End file.
